Rainy Wednesday thoughts

It’s a rainy Wednesday morning, the day after July 4th. I confess, I did not want to get up and come to work this morning. Today is perfect sleeping weather. Perfect. Aaand . . . well, I may have stayed up a little too late on Monday evening playing Spades. Guess I’m still catching up. Ah, well. ‘Twas worth it.

Today, I strayed from tradition and wore a skirt to work. This is a rare and momentous occasion. I usually do not show my legs in public, which makes me sound rather Victorian or Amish. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I feel like they’re just not tan enough. Maybe it’s because I think my calves look bulky and too muscular to appear feminine. Maybe it’s because I did my fair share of skirt-wearing when I was a cheerleader in high school. Maybe I’m just too lazy to . . . nah, won’t go there. We’ll just leave it at that. Maybe I’m too lazy.

So, there it is. I’m wearing a skirt today in public, and I feel kind of awkward and unsure about it. Like, are my legs frightening anyone out there? Or am I just being paranoid?

On the plus side today, I had some fabulous e-mails waiting for me when I got to work. I heard from friends all over the world, which made this gray, drippy morning more bright and cheerful. Do you remember life without e-mail? I sincerely believe it’s one of the greatest inventions ever.

I’m getting on my own nerves lately. I’m really bothering myself. Am I the only person this ever happens to? I don’t know what my deal is, but I’m not being who I really am at all. I feel like I’ve become very fake, shallow and generally extremely selfish. I’m craving the admiration and attention of others so much that I’m obsessing about details that don’t really, truly matter. I keep asking myself why this is. What am I really desiring? Why does what other people think of me matter so stinking much? Why am I acting differently, prioritizing differently, even dressing differently to an extent?

I see this, a few of my friends have commented on this, and yet I continue to strive for signs of approval. Will I ever get to the point in my life where being ‘Real Michelle’ is all I want to be despite the opinions of others?

Moving on to something a little less deep and a little more cheerful. There is now a copy of Newsies sitting on our living room bookshelf at home. This movie makes me giddy, and I haven’t seen it in YEARS. What could be better than a young Christian Bale dancing and singing, “Open the gates and seize the day”? I mean, really?

Ok, this is weird. I have a new addiction that’s really surprising. Iced tea. Yep, you heard me right. Cold tea. Having spent a summer in Australia, and five years in England trained me to love, love, love a hot cuppa tea. Tea on ice eventually because something, well, not right. I don’t know what has happened to me, but suddenly I’m in love with a huge glass of iced tea sweetened with Splenda. I am drinking it by the gallons, which is pretty much okay because 1) Tea is good for you; it’s an antioxidant; 2) It is a great source of hydration (the kind I drink is caffeine free); 3) It is basically calorie free; and 4) It’s yummy. Just don’t tell my British friends I’ve been converted.