Accumulated Thoughts from the Weekend

Monday afternoon at the office. It’s a bit of an unusual week. Two of our docs are leaving Wednesday for vacation, meaning that things are a little bit wild around here. Today hasn’t been too insane (just typical Monday stuff, actually), but I’m wondering if tomorrow everyone will be in panic mode. It might get ugly. Looking forward to some time off toward the end of the week.

First of all, let me just say how excited I am that England is still in the World Cup! And, I’m even more excited that their next match is Saturday morning, which means I will finally get to see my boys play again. I can’t wait to park myself on the sofa, proudly wearing my Beckham football shirt, and cheer on my team. I heart football (Americans call it ‘soccer’), and I heart England. I’m super enthused!

I feel like this past weekend was a spiritual feast. On Saturday, I finished reading Every Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethredge. Overall, it was an interesting book, but something Stephen Arterburn wrote in the afterword really grabbed my attention and held on tight.

The battle for emotional and sexual fulfillment is not an easy one because life is full of disappointments. For some women, every day is an invitation to live in a fantasy world that has no match in reality. So if you are married, you must live each day purposefully focused on building a bond with your husband that grows stronger over time, even through tough seasons . . . If you are single – whether never married, divorced or widowed – you have a different assignment. You must build a stronger, more intimate bond with God. This bond can produce such fulfillment and connection that you will never feel that you are incomplete as a single person. God’s plan for you is a rich and abundant as His plan for married women.

I love that. It inspires me to live out my purpose as an unmarried daughter of God. This is prime time for seeking Him, learning Him, chasing Him. I so often forget that God is the creator and author of romance, and right now, this very minute He is romancing me. Me! He is asking me to get to know Him. He is calling me to come closer, to go deeper with Him.

Sunday evening at our singles’ life group, a married couple from our church spoke honestly and practically about different things they wish they had done before they got married to better prepare themselves for the marriage relationship and for their roles as husband and wife. After basically captivating us for almost an hour, they finished their discussion with a challenge: write down five things we could do now to improve our lives, and then share them with someone who will hold you accountable for pursuing those five things. After what I read on Saturday, this seemed like the next natural step for living out my God-given purpose as a single woman.

I’ve been considering this challenge the past couple of days (by the way, it’s now Tuesday at the office), and my list has grown to more than five. But lest I overwhelm myself, I think I will stop there and share them with my faithful (few) readers.

Six things I need to do now that will improve my life. By Michelle.

1. Pursue my purpose. I truly believe that God created me to help those who are grieving. I learned this when I worked with crime victims in England. For a year, I worked with people who had an immediate family member murdered. Obviously, this was hard, emotional work, but one day, it was like a light bulb came on. I knew this is what God made me to do. In England, I could have started my career in this, but here in America, I’ve got to head back to school. My goal is to start in autumn 2007. If this truly is the Lord’s plan for my life, He’ll provide all I need to do this.

2. Live by my budget. Ok, I’ve had a budget for years. In England, I had to strictly adhere to it. Since I moved back to America, I’ve not done nearly as well. I’ve made all kinds of excuses, but the bottom line is, I’ve become somewhat irresponsible with money. I know that needs to change.

3. Take better care of my physical body. I don’t eat nearly as well or exercise nearly as much as I should. I’ve always loved working out, but again, I’ve made far too many excuses to be sedentary. In England, I walked everywhere and cooked almost every night. I was very healthy. Now, I can feel myself getting lazier and fatter. Bleh. This is not how I want to look on the outside or be on the inside. This is the only physical body I’ve got, and I need to take much better care of it.

4. Learn to be comfortable in my own skin. I feel like I’ve made huge progress in the past couple of years when it comes to knowing and liking myself. However, one of my greatest struggles has been and continues to be comparing myself with other women. This causes jealousy, envy, bitterness, ungratefulness, self-pity and a general lack of self confidence. I’ve never measured up, and I never will. I have got to stop playing the comparison game, because I’ll never win and relationships will be torn apart because of it. I want to know Michelle, believe that I am an amazing woman of God, and confidently share that woman with the people in my life and the world around me.

5. Become more outreaching. I want to be known as an encourager, not a discourager. I want people to be happy to see me coming their way. Over the past several months, I have become more and more self-centered. I see this in myself, and it makes me really sad. I want to bless people and not drain them. I want to add to their lives, not take away. Often I want to drop people a card or an e-mail or invite them over to hang out or get coffee. I don’t know what holds me back. Fear, probably. It’s that whole “if I reach out to you, are you going to reject me?” I need to be brave and spread the love!

6. Finally, I want to develop the heart of an adventurer. I want to explore life and love it and soak it up. I want to try new things and have new experiences. I want to be a sensual person – one who smells, tastes, hears, sees and touches life to the full. I want to see the world and learn and grow. I don’t want to wait until I’m married, have a newer car, or a job I passionately love to thoroughly and exuberantly enjoy life.

This is, by far, probably the longest blog I’ve ever written. If you’re still reading this, bless you, and please do hold me accountable to these goals. I think I’ve mostly recorded all of this for me, to get my thoughts out where I can see them. Obviously, I need to break these goals down even more and consider how they will practically look in my life. But most of all, I’ve got to start living them right now.